Possibly the last . . .

Chances are this is my last blog entry. Just thought I'd give you all fair warning . . .

It's really funny how situations turn out. I went into this whole online dating thing dead set on finding someone to spend my life with and maybe even compromising a little of what I was looking for in order to find someone with a good set of morals, a steady job and a love of sports.

And yet what I found is that I still crave the excitement of dating and flirting and having a crush. I was so incredibly miserable when I was teaching that I didn't want to do anything fun. Ever.

And now with this new job and the freedom to do what I want and have my own life again, I just don't seem to care about all those things that I thought I wanted before. Sure, I still want someone with good morals, a steady job and a love of sports but I also just want to have fun!

So thank you online dating for reminding me that I LOVE having fun and as an almost 30 single girl . . . I have little to no responsibilities and that I don't have to be old and boring . . . ever . . .

oh the trials . . .

Why is it that when you want something and try really hard to find it, it just isn't there and then when you stop wanting it something usually pops up that isn't what you were expecting and certainly doesn't fit your mold of what you were looking for?

That always seems to happen to me with regards to dating. I've been very turned off by the online dating recently; probably due to the fact that I seem to work with all these really great (taken/off limits) guys and I just wish that I could find someone like one of them but that is not someone with whom I work.

We got information about our Christmas party today and I'm already dreading it. I so don't want to go by myself and yet I sincerely doubt that I'll actually be dating anyone around that time either (that gives me about 7 weeks to meet, start dating, and like someone enough to invite them to the event). And there are a few single guys there and maybe we could all just go together but I don't know if I can bring that up for a whole host of reasons. Maybe when it gets a little closer people will start talking about it and I can jump in on a conversation . . . sometimes working with all men can be a little (or a lot) frustrating!

In other news . . . there is a new online guy who just emailed me and I find mildly interesting. He's from a small town in KS and just moved back here after heading out to Las Vegas for about a year. He's a former elementary teacher turned power company employee . . . whatever . . . I could use the distraction of someone available at the moment so if he suggests going out I'll probably take him up on it!

I think online dating has one fatal flaw for me . . . I miss the game. I miss the chase. I miss the flirting and the banter and the anticipation of when I'm going to see him again and how I'm going to make him ask me out. Does that make me wierd? Maybe it means I'm not ready for a real relationship . . . I don't know. I do know that I know what it feels like to be head over heels completely attracted to someone and that is definitely what I look for/need in order to want to date someone.

The Camo Pants Story

This is kind of a "blast from the past" story but one that is so classic that if you knew me back in college, you would probably be able to recite this story word for word (and you'd know why I always ask any new guy how many pairs of camo pants he owned).

So my senior year at Mizzou I did some secretarial work in the Math education office two days a week (being an education major is just so taxing that I only had classes on MWF). One day I got this disk jammed in the computer (yep . . . back in the day before jump drives) and I had to call tech services to get it out. The guy who came to fix my computer was super cute in a kind of alternative manner. He had curly brown hair and beautiful brown eyes. I soon started "breaking" things just so I could call and have him come fix them (I'm such a girl . . . I know).

After awhile my friend Kevin got tired of hearing me babble on about him and decided to take it upon himself to make me ask him out. Kevin also worked in the Math ed building so he went down to Jim's office, came and got me, stuck us in an empty room together and said, "Julie, didn't you want to say something to Jim?" It was HORRIBLE! But I managed to stumble out with the words . . . "do you want to see a movie or something sometime?" And he agreed but then we parted ways without me getting a number or an email address.

So I get home from work, realize I have no way of contacting him and am freaking out. I try emailing what I think must be his Mizzou email account and end up reaching some professor! Finally the phone rings and he had gotten my number from a girl that we both knew . . . so clearly he's also interested, which is a good sign. We end up seeing a movie . . . he dresses SO cute in khakis and a blue button down and we have a really good time (which I think might have been a first for me at this point in my life - I hadn't been on really any good real first dates yet).

That was definitely the pinnacle of our relationship. From there, he proceeds to wear camoflaugue pants EVERY SINGLE TIME we go out (at least 5 more times) . . . he invites me over to "make me dinner" and when I get there asks me what kind of pizza I like (and then he orders it from Dominos) . . . seriously? He tells me all about his crazy roommate and how she thought she was pregnant (he goes into graphic detail here) and I can just tell that this is not going to work out.

I pull the classic Me of not returning calls, being distant, etc. and finally he corners me in the Math ed building one day. He's asking what I'm doing for Halloween and I tell him that some friends and I are going to a party at one of the bars in town (he's still underage) and he tells me that he's going to a drag show but he doesn't want to go alone. I suggest that he takes a date. Ha ha! And then he tells me "I'd like to dress in drag sometime, and not just for Halloween!" I'm not sure exactly how I responded to that but it must have been along the lines of "oh, that's nice."

A week or so later he calls me to have "the talk." I tell him I'm not interested. He gets mad. We never speak again.

And it has literally taken me years to get over my fear of camo pants (and I'm still not sure that I'm over it . . . )

What do I really want?

When I started this online dating, I really thought that I wanted to find a husband. I thought that I wanted to meet that guy that I've described in vast detail in all of my previous blogs and then life would be perfect.

However I've learned a lot in these past few months and I've also managed to get in touch with some parts of myself that I've forgotten. I love my friends that are settled and married and stable, I love my single girlfriends who I can do happy hours with and just hang out with, I also love those friends with whom I can go out with and be crazy and just stay out until all hours and flirt with random guys. Those are all parts of who I am and what I enjoy doing and just because I'm 28 doesn't mean I have to grow out of or into any specific stage of life.

Sometimes I feel very chameleon-like and try to adapt to the groups of people I'm with and sometimes I feel like I get sucked into a particular identity and then I end up spending all my time within that identity. I don't have to do that. I can do whatever I want and I need to balance out all of those things in my life.

So my NEW plan is just to have more fun. Get out more, hang out with all my friends more, go out more, flirt with a few more random boys (but maybe not the ones at work anymore because clearly that leads to awkwardness as has already been proven), work out, take a class or two, just have fun. I just want to enjoy my life and not be stressed about this dating thing. We'll see where this takes me.

I'm not going to respond to somebody on the site unless they really intrigue me (and I recently started communicating with a youth minister who seems surprisingly cool - and not crazy religious enough to not enjoy a good night out). So who knows . . . maybe he'll turn out to be cool, maybe not . . . either way . . . I felt that twinge of attraction when I saw his picture and so that's what I'm going to wait for now. I had to be reminded what a good old fashioned crush felt like (albeit on someone completely unavailable) but I can't do any more of this forcing myself to like someone. :)

Oh the awkwardness . . .

In other news a guy that I know from a social setting recently starting emailing me because of some photos he noticed I posted on my facebook page. His opening line was "I don't know of any girls who like football enough to make it a point to go to a game." After some analyzation with a friend, we decided that clearly, he just doesn't know many girls period because quite a few girls enjoy football games, especially when their alma mater is the team in question. He then proceeds to tell me that if he had tickets, he'd invite me to see his team play (because it's supposed to be such an "experience" to watch this team). Hmm . . . I send a very brief, non-interesting email back and he takes that as a sign to continue with the messaging. Clearly I am VERY good at making guys I'm not interested in interested in me (shockingly, I've always been extremely good at this). And maybe that's part of the problem . . . be a little unavailable . . . seriously . . . it's no fun if I don't have to work at least a little bit for it. Anyway, not quite sure yet how to handle this situation because of the context in which I know this guy but hopefully he's too shy in person to actually ask me out or anything crazy like that. If I had a dime for everytime I had to deal with this situation . . .

I'm seriously harboring doubts about this online dating thing. I'm really starting to wonder if maybe I just need to focus all of that energy in some other place, perhaps working out, maybe actually going out more (anyone?), although that would require friends in town to do that with, joining some sort of clubs or activities in town . . . I just really am beginning to think that all these guys online are freaks (well intentioned freaks but freaks nonetheless).

A good friend pointed out to me that it is completely okay to go with my gut and just want what I want and not have to analyze or explain it. And that's what I want to do right now. I want it all. I want my Mr. Personality, life of the party, independent, intelligent, sports enthusiast (preferably Mizzou but that's negotiable), drop dead gorgeous (at least to me), slightly arrogant, yet still slightly romantic, committed and totally in love with me. I want my stomach to flip when I see him (at least at the beginning). I'm tired of putting so much time and energy into this stupid online dating when it just makes me irritated, tense and takes up a lot of my time!

GUEST COLUMN: The Spaniard

So another friend of mine is also dabbling in the online dating arena and had been emailing this Spaniard who was very hot (I saw pictures) . . . until she got the following email from him:

Miss Sue,

Thank you so much for getting back in touch with me as it actually made my day! you sound like all i want, you are my perfect match. I am really going to put a lot of effort into writing this letter to you in hopes it will provide you with a good understanding of who I am, what I am all about, and what has made me the person I am today. The reason I am going to write a letter rather than just send a message is because I am serious about wanting to establish a quality friendship with you, and because of the fact I rarely contact anyone on here, so when I do you can be rest assured I am serious about my intentions.Am looking for a woman that will be able to listen to me , communicate her feelings to me , make me laugh, hold and comfort me in need,stand by my side, respect me, passionate lover in every way, support me in everyway, love me and only me, make me smile, protect me when needed, romantic time to time, constantly reative, and treat me right.... I know you will think what is a guy like me doing on here .. Yes the reason I came on to the internet to find the special person who deserves all the love and passion that makes up my heart and soul is because I do not have the time to meet others out in a public setting, and the fact I feel you can learn so much about someone through letters, as a person has to take there time and think about the words they want to express, so it allows you to gain a better understanding of someone than you would probably otherwise .characteristics of whom i seek...........The most important characteristics to me are compatibility and friendship. I'd like to find someone who's open,honest and easy going.A sense of humour is a big plus. Ideally we'd have some shared interests and goals, as well as some similarities in opinion about what's important in life. If you love to laugh, travel and appreciate the warmth of a furry coat and a wet nose, let's talk things that i would love to do with my woman...........Get caught with my woman in the rain. Dance with her in the rain. Stargaze on a clear night...Watch the sunset together. Spend all day with her doing nothing. Moonlight walks on the beach. Be more proud of her than i already am at this very moment. Go on a carriage ride through the park. Do a crossword together. Go to brunch. Have a disagreement (it could/will only make us stronger). Go for a twilight horseback ride. Watch bad/good movie together. Spend the rest of my life with you. Have our picture taken together. Eat ice cream with her. Make love to you passionately. Go to a museum together. Talk to each other using only body language. Give you space when you need it, but not space to hurt each other. Accept you totally and completely for the rest of my life.
Dear The very reason I am interested in establishing a friendship with you is because I feel I have alot to offer you in the way of a friendship and I know I have alot to share with you that will be of interest to you and even some things that will surprise you. I am very much a man of substance and I am very unique in todays society because I live my life through my spirituality and through the word of God and because I have such a strong understanding of what I feel my role in life is suppose to be. I am a man of integrity and my word is my honor!. I have very high standards for myself and my life is all about providing love, peace and happiness to others. For you to get a better understanding of me picture a waterfall in your mind and instead of all the water overflowing it is all the love and passion I have in my heart to give to others who are deserving, as the love and passion has an endless flow coming out of my heart, dear i want you to pls send me some of your recent pics.

Where others write many people and keep there messages short because they are all about how many they can write, I am the opposite and very selective in whom I choose to write and I like to give them my very best even if it is in a long letter such as this. I know the type of person who I want to build a friendship with so I am willing to put the time and effort in my messages to show that to you.

I look forward to read from you soon!

GUEST COLUMN: Seriously? Did he just say that?

A friend of mine is also embarking on this online dating journey with me and I had to publish this email she sent me this morning. The guy she is talking about is someone she had been emailing for a few weeks and had really liked. She sent me this email after their first phone conversation:

To: ---------
From: -----------
Subject: The Phone Call

Where do I even begin? He talked about the issues with his dad and said he is depressed and in and out of mental health institutions. Typically people who are just depressed are not in and out of institutions, there is much more too it... I asked if he had a dual diagnosis. He said he just doesn't even want to get into it further because it's just too hard emotionally(running away from the problem?), etc and says he doesn't know...that's weird. I even asked if he had an addiction problem of some sort...he did not know. Not to mention this has been going on for the last 20 years. He should know...or is this asking too much???????

Then he asked me what colors I was painting my house...and then said that he will just have to come see in order to really know what it looks like...that's weird. I asked him about where he lived when growing up, like in the country, suburbs, etc of lawrence. He never gave me a straight answer and kept saying you'll just have to come and see. He said you would be amazed when you see it??? I'm thinking, what's the deal, why won't you just tell me! Geez!

I had asked him a question earlier about what the most important thing in a relationship is whether it be family, friends or romantic. He said oh yeah the question I didn't answer in order to get you to talk on the phone . . . So he answered that and said commitment and communication. Went into long somewhat brain washing explanation. Then I said, well those seem kind of like "umbrella" type important things. Then followed that up with, but those are good things, they really are. I said what about something more specific, he goes you mean are you looking for something funny. I said, sure!! He goes lots of sex. Seriously? He did not just say that during our first phone conversation. Then he said ohhhh maybe I shouldn't have said that, just thought I would throw you a curve ball. Ugh!

So then I said, well, I think I am going to go paint some more. He said ok, so can I call again. I seriously changed the subject and started talking about other random things. Then tried to let him go again, he goes "question?". I said oh yeah, he goes , you can be honest. I couldn't break myself to say no I don't want to talk to you, that would be weird. So I said sure, it was nice talking to you etc. Clearly I don't intend on picking up the phone if he calls again.

And that my friends, is why online dating is rapdily losing its appeal for me as well . . . maybe I don't even want to be in a relationship if all the guys out there are like that. I mean, seriously . . . I want to enjoy my life and I want someone great to enjoy it with me. I guess I just figured if I met someone great, I would truly want to have children with them. Who knows. Maybe I just need to do a little soul searching and figure out what it is that I truly want (oh so much easier said than done . . .). But what I wrote in my last post is totally true . . . I want the best of both worlds of being in a relationship and being independent. Is that even possible?

Such a contradiction!

On Friday night I ended up going out with the guys from work on a ridiculously crazy adventure that involved multiple types of alcohol, at least 5 different stops (one including the parking lot at the Royal's stadium), and lots of bonding with my co-workers. The guys were tons of fun to hang out with and I really enjoyed getting to know them outside of the office (and I think they enjoyed getting to see the slightly crazier side of me as well). I even got a random performance review from my boss in the parking lot of the stadium while drinking Miller Lite (thank goodness it was favorable!).

And here's what I realized . . . I want to date that guy that can talk to anyone, that guy who's charming and personable and can carry on a conversation with someone that he just met and act as if he's known them forever yet still make me feel like I'm the most important girl in the room. I want to date someone that can go out and party until 4:00 am and then turn around the next day and take me out to dinner and movie. And I want him to still want to go to church with me on Sunday then hit Home Depot for some afternoon home improvement projects. And I want him to be pretty (like former frat boy pretty). I know that is probably insanely unrealistic and I probably should have grown out of that by now but for some crazy reason, I haven't. Do they have therapy for that?

Anyway, I talked to Chris (another online dating guy) on the phone today. He seems nice . . . he works at Sprint. We talked about how much we hated dating, etc. He seems pretty picky. He's also super religious and very involved in his church. I think he has pretty low expectations about meeting people online too so maybe that will be perfect for me! Ha ha! I also don't know what to expect from someone who lists themself as never drinking. How is he going to be able to party until 4:00 am without any alcohol? :)

UGH . . . and the teacher JUST texted me "How are you feeling?" I begged off going out with him last week because I was sick, didn't reschedule. He emailed me later in the week to see if it would be okay to call and I sent a very vague email back (he didn't call). And now he just texted me. Do I really have to spell it out for him? I'M NOT INTERESTED!

A hodge-podge of thoughts . . .

A really good friend recently reminded me that this experience shouldn't be about taking a clipboard with me and trying to pre-determine whether or not the next guy I meet is "the one." Usually it's only when someone is not intensely looking that someone pops up out of the woodwork, takes you completely by surprise and you end up falling for them in a way you couldn't before imagine. I just need to have a little fun with things, not take them so seriously and enjoy going out and meeting new people (and having NO expectations!)

So I'm trying to keep that perspective as I go forward. I also wanted to apologize for this blog taking a slightly depressing/snappish/bitter tone in the last few entries. I just get frustrated when people tell me that I'm picky or that I should give people more chances. I kind of equate dating to finding a job and I spent 4 years of my life being miserable in a job that I kept doing because I was a) scared to find something else, b) I knew I was good at and c) people kept encouraging me to stay in BECAUSE I was good at it! I can't do that with dating. I honestly believe that when I meet someone with whom I feel comfortable and want to know better, I'll have that safe feeling in my stomach and won't find crazy things about them annoying.

So a few more anecdotes about the teacher . . . when we went to dinner the other night (and did I mention that he's super skinny . . . to the point where I think that he might actually be anorexic . . . he's also an INCREDIBLY slow eater, which I'm the complete opposite of so I found rather annoying) he scrutinized the menu and then did a When Harry Met Sally and found one item and ordered it completely different from what it was like on the menu. He also seriously wanted me to praise him for trying his green beans (uh . . . really? I'm not your mom!). He actually questioned the soup I ordered because he thought the ingredients in it sounded scary (yes . . . tortilla soup has some frightening things in it . . . ). In particular he was afraid of the type of chiles in it. Yeah . . . and if that wasn't enough he then proceeded to embark on a discussion about his attire (purchased from Banana Republic) and shoes (nice Italian leather). I can't date someone who is more of a girl than I am. I think that the final straw for me must have been when he was talking about the new thermostat he needed to install in his house and how his friend was going to do it for him because he didn't want to figure out how himself. SERIOUSLY? I guess that's what you can expect from someone whose mother did his laundry until he was 25 and still does it occasionally.

My girl gay vibe is seriously pointing to yes on this one . . . I think he just doesn't know it yet. I just can't imagine feeling safe or secure with him. I think I would constantly have to be taking care of him and that is not something I would want to do!

It's funny that those words just came out because when I'm with someone I truly like, I don't mind doing things for them. I once spent an entire day cleaning a boyfriend's new apartment and doing about 10 loads of laundry for him. So I can let down my guard and I can open up to someone but it has to be someone that I feel comfortable with and maybe for me, that's a very select group of people.

Anyway, I've got a few more eligible bachelors in the queue so we'll see if their responses spark some interest . . .

Clearly you don't know me . . .

Someone recently left this comment on my blog anonymously in response to my last posting:

"i don't think him being a picky eater should deter you from a relationship. you have to open your mind a little."

First of all, this person clearly does not know me in the slightest and if they did they would realize that telling me to "open my mind" makes me want to punch them.

I believe in gut feelings; I believe in the "do I want to see you naked" test. And I also know from vast previous experience that if I'm unsure about someone and keep giving them chances, trying to convince myself that I like them, it's not going to work. I have to feel comfortable with them pretty much from the beginning. I have to have that flutter in my stomach and biochemical reaction from someone whom I want to procreate with. It's basic BIOLOGY (though I guess if you don't believe in evolution at all this explanation probably wouldn't satisfy you).

And if I start finding multiple things about them annoying, wierd or uncomfortable (or if I shirk away when they touch me), then I need to let it go and move on.

I think that many people are in relationships merely because they don't want to be alone and while that's fine and good if that's all you want, that is NOT all I want. I want the WHOLE package and I will find it. But I'm not going to settle or "open my mind."

Just had to get that off of my chest.

Johnny and June

There is this brand new song about Jonny Cash and June Carter Cash and it perfectly describes what I'm looking for in a relationship. If you haven't heard it yet . . . here is the chorus:

I wanna love like Johnny and June

Rings of fire burnin' with you

I wanna walk the line, Walk the line

'Till the end of time I wanna love,

Love ya that much Cash it all in,

Give it all up,

And when you're gone I wanna go, too

Like Johnny and June

This song might have a little more meaning if you knew the story behind it (I highly suggest renting the movie Walk the Line - it's excellent) but you get the picture.

I want to feel that amazing, intense passion which has a deep friendship and intellectual compatibility underlying. And I don't think that I should have to find someone that I think "will do" or "is good enough." Maybe that means I'm picky; maybe that means I'll never find someone. But I want to feel my stomach flip, I want those butterflies, I want to fall in love. Maybe this is completely unrealistic but I'm going to keep trying to find it. I've never been good at "good enough" or doing things halfway or settling for something that I know that I really don't want. I just wish I had a little more control over the situation and would know when/if it's going to happen. I think I just need to trust my heart a little more to know when someone is right for me.

The teacher invited me over to his house this week to teach him how to make dinner. I think I'm going to go but I've about decided that he's not the guy for me either. He's an incredibly picky eater and that is a huge turn off for me. The anxiety just emenates off of him as well (and maybe because I can be incredibly anxious as well is the reason I can sense it). I don't know. I don't feel those butterflies; I don't feel like I'm myself around him. On paper, he sounds like a great guy (and we all know what Samantha from SATC says about good on paper . . . ).

A Dating Hiatus

I went out with the teacher on Monday night. The date was fine; we went to dinner and a movie and it was a good date but I just felt so freakin' confused from everything with the train guy and trying to figure out if this teacher is right for me that I was a mess.

So I'm going to take a little hiatus here . .. no blogging, dating, talking about dating, etc. for a week or so . .. hopefully that will help clear my head and I'll be able to enjoy this again.

This is the part that I hate . . .

I talked to both guys last night . . . train guy for over an hour . . .

I know in my heart that he is not the one for me. I found myself bored by his conversation; we just don't connect on that emotional/intellectual level that I crave. Just because he likes me and I'm physically attracted to him does not make him boyfriend material. And as much as I would like to find someone RIGHT NOW . . . I'm not going to be that girl who just dates him because he's okay for right now. I used to be that girl but not anymore. I don't want to lead him on or play games, etc.

He's an incredibly sweet guy, very nice, and I'm sure he'll make some girl really happy some day but just not me. I found myself making justifications for him and rationalizing why I didn't really need someone who would be able to discuss my job and math and politics, etc. And I do want that and those things are very important to me and I shouldn't settle just because some guy is cute and I want to make out with him.

Anyway, he asked if he could take me out again and stupid me said yes . . . and when I gave him a choice of three days he replied "I'll take all three." At this point, I was annoyed and told him that he got one day upon which he tried to bargain for two days . . . Maybe some girls like this but I need a little bit of space in a relationship. I don't want to spend all of my free time with this person. And I guess I need to find someone who is similar in their independence.

And really, when I think back on it, I didn't enjoy our first phone conversation and ended up canceling on going out with him. I really started to like him when we met in person and I saw how cute he was and how much physical chemistry there was . . .

So now I have to tell him this and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I want to be nice but firm and I want to get my point across. I feel like he really likes me (he texted today just to check on my day and to see if I was free tomorrow) and I hate disappointing/hurting people. I know that I should call him and tell him all this but that makes me cringe as well. I need to repond to his text and I have no idea what to say/do. Suggestions? The chicken way out is to write an email . . . but that would probably make me feel sick as well. Ugh. I really hate this.

And I'm going out with teacher guy tonight and feel in a totally crappy mood because of this other situation. This is why I don't date. I truly hate it.

GUEST COLUMN: It's Me or the Music (Continued)

Oops, he did it again! No e-mail on Friday to confirm our plans for the evening. So, yes, you guessed right! He called around 5 to determine plans! I was very unmotivated, I thought, is he all there?? If not, I want nothing to do with him! He just seems not so serious and very laid back by all this! So as we were discussing dinner plans, he asked me to dinner on the Plaza. Wow! What is going on through this guy's head? Typically, I would think you have to be pretty “in depth” with a girl to spring for that one. None the less, since a place kind of like the Plaza called Zona Rosa was closer to my house, I suggested that plan.

The date in itself is a whole other story. Let me tell you it was…interesting… For this story the date ending is the best part. As we were walking to my car, he was jabbering about something...I cut him off and said, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DINNER, THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN! In a flaky kind of way…he said, ok! Be Safe! I said Ok, bye bye! Notice I didn’t accidently say “talk to you later”. The End! Finally! But wait! He contacted me after this date!!! Ahhhh!!!! As I decided to not contact him further, I am happy to announce my celebration after 3 days of no communication with him, high probability of permanency! THE END! He will now be used as the participant in efforts of advocating for the “dating help button” service!

GUEST COLUMN: It's Me or the Music!

So as much as I enjoy reading these blogs, I thought, I too have a great story to tell you all! So it all started a little over 3 months ago, with a guy who we will call Jack (feel free to add an ending of your choice by the end of this read!) Jack is a teacher, a big important part of him being a teacher is that he teaches BAND! This will become apparent in importance later on in the story. We met online, the reason I was drawn to Jack was because he had such interesting e-mails and was very witty, engaging, and asked seemingly good questions compared to the other guys I had been corresponding with. I was drawn to him, I called him my premier guy! The catch is that we e-mailed back and forth for a whole month and a half, then IM’d for a of couple weeks with a few phone calls here and there. So before we met we “talked” for a WHOLE TWO MONTHS!! Although, it was two months I respected him for taking his time…as I am a naive online dater.

So we finally met for coffee. He was cute, and seemingly the type of guy I would normally go for…visually speaking. He was very conversational, had insightful questions, and had a sense of humor! I sensed his interest in me as well, as he laughed and smiled at the things I had to say! Three hours later, after a nice enchanting afternoon we needed to get going as we had other commitments later on that evening. He offered to walk me to my car as we were chatting some more. Then he says “I enjoyed meeting you. Thanks for meeting me.” I seriously probably looked at him with out saying anything for thirty seconds as I tilted my head to one side. Then I quickly snapped out of it and said, yeeahhh, it was nice meeting you, too. Then we were both on our separate ways. It was like a really beautiful song playing, then BOOM the music stops! WHAT JUST HAPPENED! Come on, he should know better than to do this, he’s a BAND DIRECTOR! So of course, I had to report my eventful afternoon to friends and family. I wasn’t quite sure what to think. It seemed that things were going pretty well, but he didn’t say he would like to talk or meet again??? I’ve been on many dates but nothing like this had ever happened.

So I ended up hearing from him over a text…and had IM’d as he said he had a great time when we met. Now why he can’t pick up the phone and call is beyond me. It was bugging me, he needs to call if things are going to progress. As a friend and I were talking I was discussing that if he doesn’t call me then I cannot further this dating experience with him! Magically, 30 minutes later he calls…on the phone that is! He left a message and it was late so I e-mailed him back with encouraging words as this must have been a big step for him!! So throughout the week we e-mailed back and forth once or twice daily with some text messages during the evenings.

So the time is coming that he ask me to do something again, and Ta-dah, he shoots an e-mail for me to do something, and notes “I know this is last second, but would you like to do something tomorrow?” I might be mistaken but date etiquette states to ask a girl out at least 4 days ahead of time AND asking over e-mail at this point is just inappropriate. I graciously, emailed him back and said that unfortunately I was busy, but would be available on Saturday or Sunday as it was Wednesday when I wrote him back. Thursday he wrote back and said Saturday might work, but he just can’t remember what he had planned and that he would get back to me… Ok, fair enough! As I knew it was his first week back in school and things were chaotic for him as he VERY devoted to his career (60-80 hrs a week devoted). Maybe he was a little frazzled! Surely, on Friday I would hear from him, right?!?!

WRONG, not a peep from him on Friday. I felt as if I was in competition with a bunch of MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS! I was about to write him off, how could he do this, I don’t like this emotional roller coaster. Then, ta-dah, I got a random text from him around 9ish that evening, I was still so agitated. As I was out enjoying myself that evening, I choose to not respond back. So for the breaking point, he calls Saturday in the late morning and had left a somewhat frantic message in assumption we had plans for Saturday evening??? SERIOUSLY!! Has he had one too many horn blows into is ear?! I was still contemplating what to do with this man. He apparently does NOT know how to date!

Lesson taught, we talked on Sunday and he attempted to make plans with me in ADVANCE this time for a Thursday! I knew he had been sick from the beginning of this week and we wrote e-mails here and there. So when Thursday rolled around I was anticipating an e-mail to determine where we were going to go for dinner! You guessed it! No e-mail! Here it is 4:45 as we were suppose to meet at 7 and I had not heard from him…this UNACCEPTABLE!! I didn’t know where we were going so I didn't know what to wear. Again, with the musical instruments! How was I ever going to rise above them! I get a call from him at 5 saying he is not feeling well, etc. I decided to be the nice girl and play nurse to make sure he has the medication need to feel better and continued with the get well wishes. Inside my head I was screaming, you have got to be kidding! When is this nightmare going to over!!! As he wanted to reschedule, I carved out some time the next night to have dinner with him, thinking the sooner the better! I almost just didn’t want to go, but a friend encouraged me too! My spirits were up, I decided to go . . . TO BE CONTINUED . . .

And the plot thickens . . .

Last night I had one of those great dates where it can only be a great date because I was tired, didn't want to go and had absolutely no expectations. And in return I was rewarded with this evening that was absolutely amazing. We went to dinner and then bowling (I know . . . bowling . . . but this time it was at one of those new bowling alley/martini bars so much more classy - plus I didn't mind being seen in public with my date - actually was kind of proud of it!).

He's funny, charming, sarcastic, laid back, playful, sweet, uncomplicated and just a fun guy to hang out with. And we had a lot to talk about - he truly wanted to know everything he could about me and my family (and his parents - this is too cute - met in the 8th grade and are still happily married). And yes . . . I'm talking about the train guy. For some reason it really doesn't bother me that he doesn't know exactly what he wants to do with himself. He has a good job, a college degree and after two dates I feel incredibly comfortable and safe with him. Is that wierd? Maybe a little, right? I mean, he asked about my job but I can tell that his eyes glazed over a little when I started explaining . . . but I'm willing to give him some rope on that one plus he loves to read and wants to have a library in his house . . . you can't beat that! Plus the whole physical attraction is definitely there . . .

Anyway, I'm going out with teacher guy on Monday and I'm really curious how I'm going to feel about him. I thought that we were more compatible intellecutally and we probably are but I'm curious if the other elements are going to be there, too. He's definitely much more like me personality wise (Type A, high anxiety, pretty OCD about things) and that kind of scares me a little. I don't know that someone exactly like me is right for me. But I do really enjoy talking to him because we can definitely "spar" on all sorts of issues and it's pretty fun . . . so I'm interested to know if there's good chemistry there, too.

And if there is good chemistry with Bachelor #2 then I don't know WHAT I'm going to do about this situation! What if I realy like them both? Then I'll have to pick and what if I pick wrong and hate myself later? Ugh . . . good thing I never would up on that show the Bachelorette . . . I have a feeling I would be in a constant state of anxiety.

And I absolutely welcome any and all suggestions . . .

"I'm not asking you out on a date!"

A slight rewind . . . the week before I started working at my new job I was out with some friends and ran into a future co-worker (who also had interviewed me). We ended up hanging out with him and his REALLY drunk buddy at a bar and he bought a round of drinks for all the people with me. He’s smart, cute, funny, someone I would have liked if he was not going to be a future co-worker. Anyway . . . when I started working there was some slightly weird tension but things have been fine. I hear all about his girl stories (and wow . . . does he have many!) . . . the most notable being how he was caught on the kiss cam at the Royal’s game with one girl by the parents of another girl he was dating!

Anyway, so today I get a call from said boy after work and he invites me to a Royals game tonight (with the company tickets). I had other plans and declined the invitation. Upon saying goodbye, he says, “One more thing, this isn’t me asking you out on a date.” I almost laughed out loud. I seriously had not even thought of it that way. I assumed he asked me because he couldn’t find anyone else. So I told him that I hadn’t thought it was and the conversation ended.

All in all it was pretty funny. I think because maybe if we didn’t work together, we would be possibly interested in each other and he’s someone I wouldn’t mind being friends with but at the age of 28, one doesn’t really make close guy friends anymore. We’re kind of past the acceptable age for that.

In other news . . . . both boys called last night . . . train and teacher. It was kind of weird talking to them both and I really enjoyed talking to them both! Am I just starved for attention? I’ve never been able to be interested in more than one guy at a time before. This is totally new and strange to me but also kind of fun. I’m going out with train guy on Friday and teacher on Monday. I’m hoping that after two or three dates I’ll have an idea if I want to pursue a relationship with one more so that the other. They are just such different guys that it’s hard. The teacher is very similar to me in personality and intellect so we really click on that level while the train guy is just so laid back and ex-football player cute that it’s hard to even compare them much less choose between the two!

And last but not least . . . a gem gleaned from one of my latest new matches:

The things Ben can't live without are:
Asparagus
MASH 4077
All of my musical instruments
Wyler's Italian Ices
and did I mention Asparagus

And he probably wonders why when he asked for communication, I immediately closed him. Hmm . . . seriously . . . I could make some big bucks on this Dating Help button, don’t you think?

My new mantra: I'm not overanalyzing!

I thought I'd try and wait until tomorrow to write this but it's been so long (I've been out of town all weekend) and I won't be able to sleep unless I get some of these thoughts down!

Over the weekend the train guy called to see if I wanted to go out again. And I'm definitely going to go out with him again but I just don't know that we have all that much in common. Plus I had this GREAT date tonight with a new guy. He's the teacher I mentioned previously. We ended up having a three hour dinner and still had stuff to talk about! We had so much in common and were even sort of finishing each other's sentences. Wierd, huh?

So here's the catch (because with me there is ALWAYS a catch) . . . he's not someone I would normally be attracted to physically. He's super skinny (think high school cross country runner who never grew up and is now 27) but not necessarily unattractively skinny. Just a look that I've not really gone for in the past. But also in the past, I've always gone for physical attraction first, emotional/intellectual second. And the goal of online dating for me is to try and flip that around. And I think with this guy, I could possibly do that.

He's not someone I would pick out on the street to be attracted to but we just had such a good time and so much in common and it's not like I'm un-attracted to him (like the photographer guy) so maybe that could grow in time (something I'm also not used to but again . . . that instant physical attraction really hasn't worked out for me relationship-wise in the past). I think he's cute but I think I'd have to spend more time with him to see if that chemistry is there (aha - that's why they call this dating, isn't it? :) I think I've finally got it!)

Ha ha . . . isn't that a classic overanalyzation? Anyway, he's definitely going to give me a call later this week to make plans to go out again so I'm looking forward to that. And I guess I'll be seeing train dude again sometime this week, too.

So my goal for this week is NOT TO OVERANALYZE and just go with the flow and experience the dates and go with my gut feelings . . . you all might have to help me out with this! It's going to be hard to break the cycle of overanalyzation which has been ingrained in my head for so long now!

The "Dating Help" Button Resurfaces

So this guy Ken emailed me and started off asking about my religion and beliefs, etc. I was pleasantly surprised by this because most guys don't delve into that topic even if they list their religious staus as "Christian." At the end of the email, he asked if there were certain Christian values I uphold more strongly than others.

This question was pretty tough for me to answer because I wasn’t sure what he was getting at (and I was pretty sure he was getting at something). So my answer was something along the lines of

Christian values . . . excellent question . . . I guess my take on values/beliefs/etc. is that I try to live my life and be the best person possible. Mistakes are going to happen and that's what forgivness is for. I believe in unconditional love, forgiveness, repentance, respect for everyone around you, etc. I don't know if that really answers your questions . . . was there something specific you wanted to know? I feel like I was pretty vague there but sometimes it's hard to put in words!

I then asked him to answer the same question . . . and answer it he did!

One thing that I was wondering is what your view is on premarital sex. I have not always been a Christian and I made some mistakes in my life. I have not dated a Christian since then, mainly because it is a little hard to find someone close to my age and unmarried. But I always worried that this could be a problem whenever I did. What are you thoughts on this? Would this be a problem for you?

Hmm . . . again with the button that I should be able to push to refer someone to dating counseling. This is NOT a topic you bring up in the second email you have exchanged with someone. Yes, the sex issue will come up . . . EVENTUALLY and hopefully not until we have met in person because it could very well be a non-issue after I see you. :) It's completely inappropriate to bring up in conversation at this point in time.

There are so many other things I could write here but since this is a public blog . . . I think maybe I'll keep those thoughts to myself. Suffice it to say that in my opinion one who thinks that all Christians wait until marriage or never drink, etc. clearly is going to a church that is way too conservative for my taste and I want no part of him. Hmm . . . I do know a single pastor who might just be perfect for him though!

When it rains, it pours . . .

I went out with the train guy last night. I actually thought about cancelling right before; I just couldn't take another photographer situation. I felt sick to my stomach and decided I couldn't even put much effort into my appearance in case that he turned out to be disgusting. And to my surprise, he was not only super cute, but also seemingly normal!

Physically, I'm definitely attracted. We'll just have to see if there is enough intellectual/emotional attraction to actually constitute dating him. I think we're going to go out again next week/end sometime so we'll see.

And I ended up talking to another guy tonight who is a teacher at a local high school. I wasn't super interested in him until we started emailing and then after talking on the phone, I'm definitely intrigued (and as an added bonus he's a Mizzou grad). We seemed to really click so we'll have to see if there is any physical chemistry . . .

It's hard because I do a pretty good first date. I'm not going to lie . . . I've had a lot of practice. So many times it's hard for my date to realize that they are just out with someone who is an expert first dater and it's not just that we really do have a great connection. :)

I'm a little nervous about juggling a couple of guys in real life. It's easy online but once you start meeting them and talking on the phone, it becomes real and you don't want to hurt feelings or be dishonest. I've never really dated multiple guys at one time so I'm not even sure how to do this!

Suggestions?

Did you really just write that?

So last night I was looking through some of the guys that this site has matched me with and came across this gem.

What is John most passionate about:
Probably the thing I am most passionate about right now is just going where life takes me. I won't get into all of it here but I've gone through some major life changing experiences the last couple months. I'm single again after several months, I've changed career fields, and I'm clean and sober(More than happy to share if you ask.) I think whoever gets with me just has to understand I have no set plans right now. I'm just taking it one day at a time. So to sum up, what am I most passionate about? Today it's today, tomorrow will be tomorrow, and so on and so forth.

The most influential person in John's life has been:
Well my grandmother but I guess that's kinda like my parents. The most influential people would have to be that wonderful new group I've joined, AA. If you read this and you're scared off by that, that's your choice, but until you ask questions and get to know the person that's your loss. I'm a great guy that has a great future ahead of me.

One thing that only John's best friends know is:
About my parents divorce and everything that entails with it. I could write a book about my father. That's a story for a different time.

Some additional information John wanted you to know is:
The short version is this. I am a newer member to AA, I'm up front and honest about it. I'm not looking for anything serious for quite a while, I'm probably looking for a good friend to start off with. Most of my time is spent working, going to meetings about 6 days a week, and playing volleyball/softball. I've come to respect the simple things the last couple months and basically starting from scratch again. If you have any questions about this I'd be happy to answer.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for people getting clean and sober and even believe that AA is a great resource and place to do so. But I’m fairly certain that AA has a rule not to get involved in a personal relationship for at least a year after you have been clean and sober. I’m also fairly certain that signing up for a dating website is a big NO NO.

I mean seriously, is any girl going to look at that and think, oh yeah, let's talk to him! He definitely seems like someone I would want to meet from a site I paid some major cash to in order to find my Mr. Right. Just reading that profile makes me want to run away screaming from him and it's just a profile. I know that some of you will probably think that this is harsh and I feel that I can make these statements given my background and family; alcoholism is a scary thing and most addicts just aren't capable of kicking it. There are a few incredible people out there who can overcome the addiction and go on to live meaningful, productive lives, but I'm personally not willing to take that chance on a random stranger on a dating site and don't believe that any other girl should either.

GUEST COLUMN: The Worst Date EVER!

An old friend from high school sent me this email after reading my blog and it was so funny that I had to ask if I could publish it. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did!

Hey! Love the blog, it's fabulous. Thought you might enjoy a little story of my own related to the online dating scene. Justin and I broke up for a few months 2 years ago and tried to date other people. Not knowing exactly where to find said people, I did the online thing as well. Started talking to this guy named James, a philosophy student at UW-Madison (should have known right away--philosophy, really?). Made plans to have lunch one Sunday. I almost cancelled cause I just wasn't feeling it, but then decided to go meet him.

He told me he had glasses and shoulder length hair--sounded interesting, I like both. I waited outside the restaurant, saw a few hot guys walk by, got disappointed they weren't him. Then I saw him walking toward me, had to fight the urge to run or pretend I was not me. Overweight, stringy brown hair, strange glasses (not at all stylish), a big leather UW coat, cable knit sweater, black tapered leg jeans, and high tops. Holy goodness. I actually tried to look cute for the "date."

So I do the right thing and we go in to the restaurant. It's this little cafe where you wait in line to order and then go to your table. It's a super busy place, and I just don't really want anyone to think we are together, so I am trying to just chat casually in the line. He actually starts asking me about the dating site in the line--how embarrassing!

He decides to order the exact same thing as me after asking what I am going to get. I get to the counter and order, trying hard to get my bill taken care of before he has a chance to order so it cannot in any way be interpreted as a date. No, he goes ahead and orders. Then he whips out his debit card and hands it to the lady with a flare that made me think he thought it was super cool to use plastic. The cafe doesn't take cards, but the woman instructs him that there is an ATM there--literally 5 feet from where we are standing. Instead he says to me "well, I guess you'll just have to pay." I was fuming at this point, but went ahead and paid cause to make a scene would be awkward.

So we go sit down. Awkward convo ensues, he tries to talk philosophy (which I am not interested in AT ALL). He's vegetarian but not vegan because he can't get behind the philosophy of it all. Found himself to be very important. He eats about 1/4 of his meal, says it wasn't very good. I, in the meantime have inhaled my food in an effort to the get damn date over with, so I look like a cow. Finally, I say I need to get going. He tries to invite me somewhere else. I beg it off. He asks if he can walk me to my apartment. I drove, thank goodness, cause what was this guy thinking...we just met, you are no way in hell coming to my apartment.

So he gives me a huge hug--ugh--and we go our separate ways. He calls several times, I don't answer. Then he sends me some strange email that I am the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and I am his ideal woman, he hopes we can get together again soon. Were we on the same date???? I am sure I am his ideal, cause I am just as judgmental as you and there was no way this guy could get someone like me in the real world (aka not online). And not because I am so fabulous, but because he was so weird. Then one more email saying he was getting kicked out of his apartment and he hoped we could still hang out. Um, no.

It was intensely bad and will always go down as my worst date ever. I feel for you, dating is terrible. But there are some great guys out there as well, I hung out with a guy named Liam for a bit that, aside from being quirky, was actually pretty cool. Keep trying, you'll at least have some good stories! Looking forward to reading more on the blog! Take care, d

Unanswered Prayers

I just got an email from a guy I was communicating with and was actually really looking forward to getting to know better. He said that he wanted to be honest and that he'd been out on a few dates with someone and they'd really hit it off and that he thought it was at the point where he really shouldn't be communicating with anyone else. And, no lie, it really bummed me out. I felt like I'd been dumped. But really, how can you be dumped if you haven't even met the person yet?

Funny isn't it? I thought that online dating would be more about me getting to choose who I wanted to go out with but it really does a funny parallel to reality in trying to figure out what the guy is thinking, if he's going to respond, when he's going to respond, if he's going to ask you out, etc. And then feeling bummed or elated when he either doesn't or does respond to you!

I think I have this idea in my head of who I want to date/end up with/marry/etc and I don't know if it really coincides with something I might find in reality. It's not like I'm asking for a whole laundry list, just an intelligent, laid back, self-sufficient, self-confident, sports enthusiast (Mizzou fan preferred), an adventurous spirit, Christian guy who has a good job and wants to be a dedicated family man in the body of an Olympic swimmer (say Brandon Hansen for visual aid purposes) with beautiful brown eyes and a dark complexion. Shouldn't he be out there somewhere? :)

I'm just frustrated that I haven't met someone I'm really interested in yet (and all those that I meet and I'm uninterested in just serve cause to add more qualities to the above list which is probably counterproductive to my search!) . . . what ever happened to those good old fashioned high school crushes? Man I miss those! I want to walk down the hall in the opposite direction just so I can bump into that cute guy and have him walk me to Calculus class. It just seemed so much easier back then! And there wasn't nearly as much pressure . . . no one in high school was considering whether you were marriage material or if they wanted your genes mixed with theirs in future generations . . .

And the even more fitting part to this post is that just this morning at church we were discussing how God doesn't always answer your prayers because another path might be better suited for you or sometimes He does just to show you that what you want isn't always what you need. So I guess at this moment I'm going to trust in that. Maybe my plan in my head isn't necessarily the right one for me or maybe I just need to be a little more patient and enjoy all the blessings I currently have around me and fail to notice and appreciate as much as I should.

We're NOT friends!

Guy Number 1 . . . the photographer . . . I thought he was a done deal. In the past, no more time wasted on thinking about him so imagine my surprise when I get a text message from him at about 9:30 last night!

It says "there is an old Brad Smith game on ch. 59." And I did flip over just to see and it was true . . . but still. Did I really talk about liking Brad Smith that much? I can't even remember!

SERIOUSLY, though . .. I would LOVE to know what is going on in this guy's head. I just don't get it. I know that we talked for a few weeks and did develop a certain connection but that connection was snapped right in two the moment that I met him and realized how badly he had misrepresented himself. Why on earth does he think it is okay to still contact me? I haven't given him any feedback since I sent the "Good luck on your future dating endeavors" email. What else would that mean other than I never want to talk to you again? Can you really twist that statement into "let's be friends"?

And I'm no expert, but I think we might be edging on that fine line between annoying and stalker. The more he keeps contacting me, the more tempted I am to just lay it all out there for him and tell him EXACTLY how I feel about his pictures, his misrepresentation and his need to visit Victoria's Secret for a consultation!

Chasing the Dream

That's the name of my fantasy football team . . . you know . . . in reference to Chase Daniel (the fabulous Mizzou quarterback!). I thought it was pretty clever. But it's also pretty descriptive of how I'm feeling right now.

There are so many people on this online dating site that I get overwhelmed at times. For instance . . . Guy Number 2 . . . we'll call him John. He's a really nice guy, from a very small town, works for the railroad as a conductor (couldn't really get him to go into much detail there so I keep imagining him behind the engine of a railroad car as it's tearing down the tracks in the middle of the mountains and steam billows out of the stack on top - it could happen!). We emailed two or three times and then he asked for my number and called that night.

He had a pleasant voice but after about 30 minutes we kind of ran out of things to say. He told me that he'd been engaged and that had ended about a year ago. They had only been together for six months before they got engaged, he broke it off six months later and it ended badly. And this is horrible, but I totally judged him for that! If it had been even a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have been so turned off. But I just felt like wow . . . that's heavy and you're ready to date again already. That's just me I guess. I'm not ready to jump into something that reeks of emotional trauma and distress (I've got enough of that for the both of us, thank you.)

So we decided to meet in person (because clearly all those above warning signs and intutitive thoughts were not enough for me to JUST SAY NO!) and I was about to tell him when I was free when he goes "the only time that will work is this Friday night." And somehow my strong self went all, "okay, I'm pretty busy but I guess I can squeeze you in" and in my head a little person was banging her had against a wall because there is just no way that I could work that out on Friday; I was already overcommitted as it was. Why do I do things like that? Why can't I just be assertive and say, that doesn't work for me, what about this time that does work?

I woke up this morning with a clear head and decided to just email him and let him know that Friday really didn't work for me. I don't even think I want to meet him; I guess I figure if I meet enough of these boys someone has to work out but that's not really a good reason to go out with someone whom I didn't even enjoy talking to on the phone.

I'm just going to keep reminding myself that I'm not here to settle; I'm not going to just go out with the guys who want to see me. I have to want to see them to.

Bring on Number 3 . . .

Ahh . . . so that is why you are still single!

Before I tried online dating, I used to look at guys in bars, hear their pick up lines, see how they dressed, etc. and be able to pinpoint exactly why they were still single. I wondered if that unique talent would also carry over to the arena of online dating.

Readers, I'm here to tell you . . . the ability to spot the reason for singleness knows no boundaries from real to virtual life.

Recently I've been communicating with this guy, I'll call him "Joe." Joe is a 25-year-old computer engineer who works for a huge healthcare systems management company here in town. He seemed nerdy but cute and his profile mentioned an interest in sports and traveling. The first email went well. It was short, witty, slightly random and he asked me questions so I had something to respond to when I wrote him back. It was a pretty perfect first contact email.

And then I had the audacity to ask him to share something funny/random about himself. He launched into a laundry lists of things that include the following:

• I would rather eat chocolate chip cookies than any other food except for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
• I think Heinz Ketchup should be it's own food group.
• I'm pro Play-Doh. I even have a free-floating chunk of bone in my chin (that you can grab onto and wiggle around) to prove it.
• I would rather be at a park swinging than doing anything else. Except for going to the movies. I need to find a place that combines those two things.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, should give you a large reason why this young man is still single. Needless to say, I did not dignify that email with a reply. On the other hand, it makes for great blogging material.

And men like him give me an interesting idea . . . wouldn't it be great if there was a place for girls to suggest that he see a consultant to become more marketable to women? And if enough girls checked that box on his profile (without him seeing it, of course) then the a personal relationship/image consultant could contact him and help him with his downfalls. She could even play herself off as an interested party and work on "cleaning" him up while they are "dating." There are just so many men out there who need so much help!

The Vacation Flirtation

Why is that whenever I travel somewhere, I always manage to find a cute boy (I have a long storied history of this)? I think that there must be some sort of cosmic reason out there that I just can't manage to meet one who lives in a reasonable radius whom I actually want to date.

Or maybe it's just that I know that I can't date the guy from far away so all inhibitions are lost and I'm free to be completely myself (and for some strange reason, guys kind of dig that).


Anyway, last weekend I was in Texas visiting a friend who just happened to be throwing a party while I was there and I met this really cute guy. My friend had told me ahead of time that I would probably hit it off with him but that he was earmarked for her other friend (whom actually lives in the same city). But when said friend did not show up, I got to stake my claim for the night! He was cute, smart (went to a near Ivy League school with EXCELLENT basketball), funny, creative and spent hours talking to me and giving me pointers about Fantasy Football (for my very first team ever with a work league).

I even got brave and sent him an email when I got home thanking him for his advice and telling him how much fun I had hanging out with him at the party. I included a brilliant flirtatious tagline so he'd remember who I was . . . Julie (the drunk girl from Kansas City at Katie’s birthday party who hopefully didn’t bring up too many terribly embarrassing subject matters) . . . and when he replied, he said that of course he remembered me and added on some more adjectives to my description that led me to believe that if I actually lived close, he would have asked me out.

His email didn't necessarily invite a response but it didn't not invite one either so the door is still open for a little email flirtation.

Maybe he'll just be one of those "in my head" relationships . . . you know, the kind where you maybe email once in awhile, but in your head you envision it to be this amazing relationship where if it actually ended up happening it would completely crash and burn due to the fact that anything in reality could never live up to my "perfect" expectations.

Coming back for more . . .

So I knew he would call/text/email . . . I'm just that irresistable (ha ha . . . just kidding!).

But the day after the big date, I recieved an email telling me how great I am and how much fun it was and how we should do it again soon . . .

And I'll pause to admit that I did the classic female, "sure, let's hang out again" ending to the date. I don't know what it is but I have a really hard time telling a guy that I'm absolutely not interested in person. Maybe I need to practice. Suggestions? It's so much easier to leave on good terms and then email later. I have the one date email rule. If you've only been on one date, you can definitely end things over email. Completely acceptable!

Anyway . . . then he sent me a text picture of himself (which seriously made me want to puke thinking about how the rest of him looked on that date . . . I had to erase it from my phone immediately for fear of it contaminating the rest of my phone) so I decided I had to be honest and let the guy down.

His response to my let down was "yeah, I didn't feel any chemistry either, just thought I'd give a second date a shot." REALLY? To me, this kind of screams "trying to save face." Maybe I'm wrong . . . does anyone really think that he would have emailed, texted, etc. if he didn't think he had a shot? Maybe I really don't understand guys!

I thought things were done; I'd washed my hands of guy number 1 . . . on to the next one in line but no . . . I just got a text from him wanting to hang out . . . "as friends or something :)."

Did he not get the memo . . . "Good luck on your future dating endeavors" as a closing line really means, I have no interest in hanging out/dating/being your friend, etc. If I'd wanted any of those, I would have said so. Guys . . . lesson to you all . . . this girl says what she means in an email (in person I might not, but you WILL get the truth in writing!).

Lucky Number 1

I've always been a crazy mass emailer (ask all of my friends . . . sometimes multiple emails in one day!); I guess I just like sharing my experiences and stories with people and I can't keep things bottled up inside!

Recently I joined an online dating site after a frustrating summer of trying to meet people through various activities (community sports, etc.). One of the very first guys I talked to was so much fun! His pictures were great, he was funny and witty and I really thought that I would be that lucky girl to fall for and be completely compatible with the first guy I met on this site. He seemed like just the kind of guy I go for . . . super cute, a little arrogant/borderline cocky, intelligent, confident and extremely outgoing yet laid back.

Unfortunately, his job took him out of town for awhile so we were unable to meet in person as soon as I would have liked. We exchanged multiple emails, talked on the phone and texted back and forth. I felt extremely comfortable with him and we talked about pretty intimate topics . . . and then the time came to finally meet him in person . . . I was so nervous!

And then I pulled up next to him in the car and for a split second actually contemplated pulling a "girlfriend" emergency and driving off as fast as possible. But then I thought to myself, don't be that girl, get out, meet the guy and maybe he really is all of the above.

Now I don't know about most girls, but I have long denied that my gut feelings really do tell me the truth and lately, I've decided (as of this experience) that I need to start trusting them more. My gut was telling me to run and yet I didn't . . .

He was about 50 pounds heaver than his pictures, walked like a duck, did some crazy flappy hand thing that was irritating, kept pulling at his shirt as if trying to make it bigger (or maybe pull it away from his body so I couldn't tell that he really did need a man-bra), and was just generally not at ALL what I was expecting . . . here is the email that I sent out to my friends after I got back from the date:

To: Girlfriends
Subject: The Recap

One phrase . . . “ughhhhhh . . . what a disappointment!”

My advice . . . . don’t ever go by pictures a professional photographer has taken in terms of how someone looks! It was AWFUL! And part of it was that I had built this guy up a little and imagined him to be great and we did have fun talking on the phone but I can really talk to anyone on the phone or anyone at all really.

SO we went bowling and then had dinner. He’s a nice guy; he really likes me. He kept talking about things we were going to do in the future and I kept being like, oh really, yeah, sounds like fun . . . NOT!

And this might sound INCREDIBLY superficial so feel free to skip but he was way bigger in person than his pictures showed (now I know why he was always making that sucked in cheek face in his pictures), and he walked funny (kind of like a duck) . . . generally just kind of awkward. He had some weird hand movements too. I don’t know. I know that’s picky but it just all contributed to the “I never want to see him naked” feeling. And I do plan on having kids some day with the guy I end up with so that might be a necessity. I knew the instant I saw him that I wasn’t attracted to him. And we just are in such separate leagues (looks, intelligence, etc.).

Oh well .. . live and learn. On to the next guy . . . I have a few in the queue who might sound a little more exciting now that I am SO over this one!

Anyway . . . he’s definitely not getting a second date. I just couldn’t bear it again.

More on this to follow . . . stay tuned . . .