This is the part that I hate . . .

I talked to both guys last night . . . train guy for over an hour . . .

I know in my heart that he is not the one for me. I found myself bored by his conversation; we just don't connect on that emotional/intellectual level that I crave. Just because he likes me and I'm physically attracted to him does not make him boyfriend material. And as much as I would like to find someone RIGHT NOW . . . I'm not going to be that girl who just dates him because he's okay for right now. I used to be that girl but not anymore. I don't want to lead him on or play games, etc.

He's an incredibly sweet guy, very nice, and I'm sure he'll make some girl really happy some day but just not me. I found myself making justifications for him and rationalizing why I didn't really need someone who would be able to discuss my job and math and politics, etc. And I do want that and those things are very important to me and I shouldn't settle just because some guy is cute and I want to make out with him.

Anyway, he asked if he could take me out again and stupid me said yes . . . and when I gave him a choice of three days he replied "I'll take all three." At this point, I was annoyed and told him that he got one day upon which he tried to bargain for two days . . . Maybe some girls like this but I need a little bit of space in a relationship. I don't want to spend all of my free time with this person. And I guess I need to find someone who is similar in their independence.

And really, when I think back on it, I didn't enjoy our first phone conversation and ended up canceling on going out with him. I really started to like him when we met in person and I saw how cute he was and how much physical chemistry there was . . .

So now I have to tell him this and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I want to be nice but firm and I want to get my point across. I feel like he really likes me (he texted today just to check on my day and to see if I was free tomorrow) and I hate disappointing/hurting people. I know that I should call him and tell him all this but that makes me cringe as well. I need to repond to his text and I have no idea what to say/do. Suggestions? The chicken way out is to write an email . . . but that would probably make me feel sick as well. Ugh. I really hate this.

And I'm going out with teacher guy tonight and feel in a totally crappy mood because of this other situation. This is why I don't date. I truly hate it.