What do I really want?

When I started this online dating, I really thought that I wanted to find a husband. I thought that I wanted to meet that guy that I've described in vast detail in all of my previous blogs and then life would be perfect.

However I've learned a lot in these past few months and I've also managed to get in touch with some parts of myself that I've forgotten. I love my friends that are settled and married and stable, I love my single girlfriends who I can do happy hours with and just hang out with, I also love those friends with whom I can go out with and be crazy and just stay out until all hours and flirt with random guys. Those are all parts of who I am and what I enjoy doing and just because I'm 28 doesn't mean I have to grow out of or into any specific stage of life.

Sometimes I feel very chameleon-like and try to adapt to the groups of people I'm with and sometimes I feel like I get sucked into a particular identity and then I end up spending all my time within that identity. I don't have to do that. I can do whatever I want and I need to balance out all of those things in my life.

So my NEW plan is just to have more fun. Get out more, hang out with all my friends more, go out more, flirt with a few more random boys (but maybe not the ones at work anymore because clearly that leads to awkwardness as has already been proven), work out, take a class or two, just have fun. I just want to enjoy my life and not be stressed about this dating thing. We'll see where this takes me.

I'm not going to respond to somebody on the site unless they really intrigue me (and I recently started communicating with a youth minister who seems surprisingly cool - and not crazy religious enough to not enjoy a good night out). So who knows . . . maybe he'll turn out to be cool, maybe not . . . either way . . . I felt that twinge of attraction when I saw his picture and so that's what I'm going to wait for now. I had to be reminded what a good old fashioned crush felt like (albeit on someone completely unavailable) but I can't do any more of this forcing myself to like someone. :)