GUEST COLUMN: Seriously? Did he just say that?

A friend of mine is also embarking on this online dating journey with me and I had to publish this email she sent me this morning. The guy she is talking about is someone she had been emailing for a few weeks and had really liked. She sent me this email after their first phone conversation:

To: ---------
From: -----------
Subject: The Phone Call

Where do I even begin? He talked about the issues with his dad and said he is depressed and in and out of mental health institutions. Typically people who are just depressed are not in and out of institutions, there is much more too it... I asked if he had a dual diagnosis. He said he just doesn't even want to get into it further because it's just too hard emotionally(running away from the problem?), etc and says he doesn't know...that's weird. I even asked if he had an addiction problem of some sort...he did not know. Not to mention this has been going on for the last 20 years. He should know...or is this asking too much???????

Then he asked me what colors I was painting my house...and then said that he will just have to come see in order to really know what it looks like...that's weird. I asked him about where he lived when growing up, like in the country, suburbs, etc of lawrence. He never gave me a straight answer and kept saying you'll just have to come and see. He said you would be amazed when you see it??? I'm thinking, what's the deal, why won't you just tell me! Geez!

I had asked him a question earlier about what the most important thing in a relationship is whether it be family, friends or romantic. He said oh yeah the question I didn't answer in order to get you to talk on the phone . . . So he answered that and said commitment and communication. Went into long somewhat brain washing explanation. Then I said, well those seem kind of like "umbrella" type important things. Then followed that up with, but those are good things, they really are. I said what about something more specific, he goes you mean are you looking for something funny. I said, sure!! He goes lots of sex. Seriously? He did not just say that during our first phone conversation. Then he said ohhhh maybe I shouldn't have said that, just thought I would throw you a curve ball. Ugh!

So then I said, well, I think I am going to go paint some more. He said ok, so can I call again. I seriously changed the subject and started talking about other random things. Then tried to let him go again, he goes "question?". I said oh yeah, he goes , you can be honest. I couldn't break myself to say no I don't want to talk to you, that would be weird. So I said sure, it was nice talking to you etc. Clearly I don't intend on picking up the phone if he calls again.

And that my friends, is why online dating is rapdily losing its appeal for me as well . . . maybe I don't even want to be in a relationship if all the guys out there are like that. I mean, seriously . . . I want to enjoy my life and I want someone great to enjoy it with me. I guess I just figured if I met someone great, I would truly want to have children with them. Who knows. Maybe I just need to do a little soul searching and figure out what it is that I truly want (oh so much easier said than done . . .). But what I wrote in my last post is totally true . . . I want the best of both worlds of being in a relationship and being independent. Is that even possible?