The Camo Pants Story

This is kind of a "blast from the past" story but one that is so classic that if you knew me back in college, you would probably be able to recite this story word for word (and you'd know why I always ask any new guy how many pairs of camo pants he owned).

So my senior year at Mizzou I did some secretarial work in the Math education office two days a week (being an education major is just so taxing that I only had classes on MWF). One day I got this disk jammed in the computer (yep . . . back in the day before jump drives) and I had to call tech services to get it out. The guy who came to fix my computer was super cute in a kind of alternative manner. He had curly brown hair and beautiful brown eyes. I soon started "breaking" things just so I could call and have him come fix them (I'm such a girl . . . I know).

After awhile my friend Kevin got tired of hearing me babble on about him and decided to take it upon himself to make me ask him out. Kevin also worked in the Math ed building so he went down to Jim's office, came and got me, stuck us in an empty room together and said, "Julie, didn't you want to say something to Jim?" It was HORRIBLE! But I managed to stumble out with the words . . . "do you want to see a movie or something sometime?" And he agreed but then we parted ways without me getting a number or an email address.

So I get home from work, realize I have no way of contacting him and am freaking out. I try emailing what I think must be his Mizzou email account and end up reaching some professor! Finally the phone rings and he had gotten my number from a girl that we both knew . . . so clearly he's also interested, which is a good sign. We end up seeing a movie . . . he dresses SO cute in khakis and a blue button down and we have a really good time (which I think might have been a first for me at this point in my life - I hadn't been on really any good real first dates yet).

That was definitely the pinnacle of our relationship. From there, he proceeds to wear camoflaugue pants EVERY SINGLE TIME we go out (at least 5 more times) . . . he invites me over to "make me dinner" and when I get there asks me what kind of pizza I like (and then he orders it from Dominos) . . . seriously? He tells me all about his crazy roommate and how she thought she was pregnant (he goes into graphic detail here) and I can just tell that this is not going to work out.

I pull the classic Me of not returning calls, being distant, etc. and finally he corners me in the Math ed building one day. He's asking what I'm doing for Halloween and I tell him that some friends and I are going to a party at one of the bars in town (he's still underage) and he tells me that he's going to a drag show but he doesn't want to go alone. I suggest that he takes a date. Ha ha! And then he tells me "I'd like to dress in drag sometime, and not just for Halloween!" I'm not sure exactly how I responded to that but it must have been along the lines of "oh, that's nice."

A week or so later he calls me to have "the talk." I tell him I'm not interested. He gets mad. We never speak again.

And it has literally taken me years to get over my fear of camo pants (and I'm still not sure that I'm over it . . . )